symbols and the unhappy dreamer
Symbols and the Unhappy Dreamer
How happy would your dreams become if you were not the one who gave the ‘proper’ role to every figure which the dream contains. No one can fail but your idea of him, and there is no betrayal but of this. The core of dreams the Holy Spirit gives is never one to fear. The coverings may not appear to change, but what they man has changed because they cover something else. Perceptions are determined by their purpose, in that they seem to be what they are for. A shadow figure who attacks becomes a brother giving you a chance to help, if this becomes the function of the dream. And dreams of sadness thus are turned to joy
A Course in Miracles (T29.IV.5.1-7).
The thoughts that led to the need to have a man to in some way validate me as legitimate spiritual teacher were imbedded in my psyche in my childhood, for I saw no women pastoral leadership when I was a child. The absence of female leadership and spiritual authority in churches produced a singular image, a lopsided concept that men were only fit for this function. The preached word based upon the Bible (the “inerrant Word of God”) preached by men, and reinforced by the women of the church (pastors wives, Sunday School teachers, ushers, musicians, etc.) effectively embedded the narrative in my mind that men were the only half of the human species destine to lead congregations and operate as ministers. Women were to follow them, support them, and obey them to be considered “godly women”. Anything beyond border of this accepted idea was considered sin, and any woman who questioned it or didn’t adhere to it, was a “Jezebel”.
Stepping out of line, would mean not only marginalization from church leadership, but also generally, removal from a para-leadership role and potentially blackballing from serving at another church in any leadership capacity. The fear of otherization and fear of potential ex-communication reinforces the covert operation of women who want to speak truth to power, but can’t because they fear retaliation. There is freedom available to women and men who choose the path away from fear, regardless of the context or circumstance. However, they need not fear retaliation, for they are afraid of an illusion. The truth is that since only love exists, and everything else is an illusion, then the outcome of marginalization and ex-communication may have many positive outcomes. Thus the dreams and imaginations attached to the perceived negative outcomes are the effects of the expectations of what A Course in Miracles calls the “Unhappy Dreamer”. It says,
How happy would your dreams become if you were not the one who gave the ‘proper’ role to every figure which the dream contains. No one can fail but your idea of him, and there is no betrayal but of this. The core of dreams the Holy Spirit gives is never one to fear. The coverings may not appear to change, but what they man has changed because they cover something else. Perceptions are determined by their purpose, in that they seem to be what they are for. A shadow figure who attacks becomes a brother giving you a chance to help, if this becomes the function of the dream. And dreams of sadness thus are turned to joy (T29.IV.5.1-7).
The dreams and thoughts of marginalization and ex-communication were real to me, and they are still real for others. However, according to the Course, we learn that we can confront the shadow figures we think will attack us in our unhappy dream, or we can recognize that we control over the shadow figure, for we have created it in our minds. We can call order to our own realities simply by re-assigning the purpose of the perceived foe. In the unhappy dream of marginalization within the context of the church, I looked squarely at the issue and said no longer choose to live within the context of the paradigm. For me, the church would no longer be the place where I sought acceptance as a preacher. I abdicated the title and gave back to its owner. By relinquishing the need to be affirmed by the church as a preacher, I regained my identity as an individual self, connected to God and mankind in general, which is authentically who I am.
Titles are symbols of external power. My fear of losing external power, connected to the symbol of “preacher”, “church leader”, “co-pastor” kept me in a state of anxiety in fear of a negative outcome to my unhappy dream. By not only confronting the shadow figure I imagined, but using the fear-based outcome I imagined to consider a new possibility a new happy ending to my unhappy dream, I actually gained internal power, and had a positive outcome. Now, I more comfortably connect with kinds of people, and my more holistic spiritual view allows me the opportunity to speak to and influence more people around the world. My connection point is love, not fear. Love is the universal language of God.